OUTLINE:
INTRODUCTION: (paragraph 1)
All the people and things that are part in my life now
(Who am I?)
PARAGRAPH 2:
Likes and dislikes
(About music, places and people)
PARAGRAPH 3:
Life experiences
(The troubles for choosing a major, and the challenge of studying and working at the same time)
PARAGRAPH 4:
Plans for the near future
(Finish the major, to know London and get married)
CONCLUSION: (paragraph 5)
Plans for the future in general
(Get a good job as translator and have a beautiful and comfortable house with my own family)
What are the most important aspects now in my life? Definitely I consider this stage of my life, like the best, because now I am enjoying of a complete life, now I have all the things that one day I dreamt; for example I have my whole family around me, my parents, brothers, sister and a beautiful niece named Diana; I have the wonderful opportunity of having a good job, although, it is not related with my major, I like it a lot. Concerning to my love relation, also I feel very good, now I have an excellent boyfriend named Jorge, he has been changing my life and, the way that I see things, he is motivating me, as a result I feel a big love for him, very different like in other relationships. The economic and personal independence that I had been gained, I do not change it for anything. I really feel so happy.
About my likes and dislikes, I believe that all my life I had been complicated and very special for everything. About music: I like pop, it does not matter if is in English or Spanish, obviously there are specific bands or songs that I like most. About places: I prefer the quiet places near to nature but so far from the sun (I hate sun), like fields and big spaces with a comfortable hut, there I have the opportunity of stay in contact with my thoughts; this kind of places help me to get relax and clarify my ideas. Talking about people is the most difficult part, because for me, not all persons can gain my confidence or my love easily. All my life I have been looking for real people, without lies and false feelings, obviously to find this kind of people is so hard nowadays, that’s why I have few but true friends. Other aspect that it is important to mention, is that sometimes I feel very good alone, usually I look for moments only for me, I enjoy my own silence and space, however, if you need me, I will be there for you.
To talk about my life experiences, it is easy to me, because I am living the results of my experiences everyday. I consider as a life experience all the things that I lived, when I finished the high school. I had the conviction of study Journalism, but my parents did not support me, because the major was in Guanajuato, and my parents said a resounding no. At the beginning it was so hard to me, I remember that I cried and cried everyday. One day I decided to start and look for something motivating again. For this reason I am here studying B.A English Language Teaching and working at the same time, I believe that make this, undoubtedly it is changing all for me, because now I know the meaning of the effort. My purpose: I want to reach out all the things that are important to me now and for my future life. I feel content, when every night I arrive to my home, obviously tired, but proud because I am a positive and working person, adjectives that I want to be all my life.
Concerning to my plans for the near future, it is something that produce a big smile in my face, because when I reach out my main plans it will be the signal of my own success. First I want to finish my major, if I finish the major, I will get the two most wished aspects in my life, everything it is related. After to finish my major, my gold dream it is to know London, I would like to make this trip as a single person, I want to live the experience of stay alone in other country, to know other culture and have a good time. My third and the most important plan, it is to get married, I know that anything is sure, but, I have the illusion of get it, and my boyfriend too, we have a well structured plan for our future. Both believe that, when we finish our majors and to go to another country (live personal experiences), we will ready for stay together all our life.
Obviously, when I reach out all the plans that said, the plans for the general future are near too. About my profession, now I am not sure, about if I want to work as a teacher, if this happen I would like to teach English in companies or Universities, but really I would like to be an a translator of a magazine or an editorial, in this way I can to work a little bit in an area that I will love of my life, the Journalism. My second plan is to build a beautiful and comfortable house; I want to create and designed a special place, where I will form my own family. Other thing that I would like to do, it is study the bachelor in Journalism, only to come true my wish. Finally I want to have a relax life, I am not looking for a lot money or very expensive things, I only want to live calm and form my own family, I want two sons a girl and a boy. Always I want to be a strong, loving woman that represents to my husband and sons effort and trust.
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Hello Eli:
ResponderEliminarYou wrote a good essay. It was clear and according to your outline.
Just some comments about it:
* in the 1st paragraph is dreamed insted of dreamt.
* in the 3rd paragraph is I feel happy.
*in the 4th paragraph is another culture
* in 5th paragraph is I said, I can work and another.
Those details were the only one that could notice.
Your essay of course is very good just check more the spelling.
ha! I had a mistake on my comment the correct way is that i could notice.
ResponderEliminarHey Pretty Ely!!
ResponderEliminarFirst of all, I think you have to write an introductory and a conclusive paragraph for your essay. This because all the paragraphs you had written are of different aspects of your life, or identity. So you need a first paragraph were you present the different topics of all the paragraphs, and a conclusive one to sum up them.
On the other hand, the paragraphs you wrote are very good, just for a few mistakes of word order, tenses etc :
In the first paragraph you could cut the second sentence into two sentences, because it is very long.
… Definitely I consider this stage of my life, like the best, because now I am enjoying of a complete life, now I have all the things that one day I dreamt; for example I have my whole family around me, my parents, brothers, sister and a beautiful niece named Diana; I have the wonderful opportunity of having a good job, although, it is not related with my major, I like it a lot….
In the third paragraph: I suggest to write all my world, instead of all for me,
…I believe that make this, undoubtedly it is changing all for me, because…
In the same paragraph Isuggest to add the word this before the word adjectives, because the idea sounds weird. Like very Spanish way.
…but proud because I am a positive and working person, adjectives that I want to be all my life...
In the fourth paragraph you have to change the word it for this because it is wrongly used there.
..Concerning to my plans for the near future, it is something that produce…
In the same paragraph I think that you have to erase it.
…gold dream it is to know London…
In the same paragrapph you should erase again it and the comma before to this word.
…My third and the most important plan, it is to get married,…
At the end of this paragraph the verb to go to should be written in another tense because you are talking in future and the verb you wrote down is in present.
…Both believe that, when we finish our majors and to go to another country (live personal experiences), we will ready for stay together all our life. …
In the fifth paragraph between that and said must be another word. And after the comma instead of: the plans for the general future are near too, you can write: the plans for my distant future will be near too, or try to clarify the idea that your are trying to write.
Obviously, when I reach out all the plans that said, the plans for the general future are near too….
And I recommend you to re-read this paragraph because you have some errors like instead of relaxing you wrote relax life, and some articles that you repeated and words that you should erase like about in the second line. In the fifth line this idea is not clear :
.. that I will love of my life,..
And when you wrote a lot money should be a lot of money.
Well Ely I hope that my comment will be useful for U!!
See U!!!